Never Again
by KittyGirl18
Summary: A humorous one-shot AU story about what happens when Prince Vegeta and his three guards get drunk one night and have to watch Kakarott to boot. No pairings, rated PG-13 for some swearing and brief nudity.


Author's Notes:  I own nothing in the story but Leda, and I'm completely broke, so suing would be rather pointless.  Reviewers will be given cookies. 

It was a rainy night in the capital city of Vegetasai.  It didn't rain often on the arid world, but when it did, you knew it.  Vegeta paced the floor of his room impatiently.  He was waiting for his third guard, Raditz, to show up so that they could get a poker game started.  He wasn't used to being confined indoors, and it was driving him nuts. 

His other two guards, a brother and sister pair and Vegeta's close friends as well, Leda and Nappa, sat at the small card table already, bottles of _graf_ in front of them.  Nappa was shuffling the cards in between ham-sized fists, and Leda was critiquing his technique. 

"You're bending them, monkey boy."

"I'd like to see you do better."

"Give them here and I will."

Nappa handed the cards over, knowing better than to argue with the little female when she had her mind set on something.  Leda happily set to shuffling the battered deck to her satisfaction while Nappa looked at the Prince.  Using that special kind of almost-telepathy developed by long friendship, the soldier stated:

"He'll be here soon enough, Vegeta.  He probably just got tied up."

"I know, I know."  He grumbled back.  "I just want to get started already."

As if the prince's words had summoned him, Raditz came through the door, dragging a rather noisy child behind him.  Seeing his friend's looks, he explained. 

"Our parents are having some 'alone time', so I have to watch the brat.  Sorry about that."

He rolled his eyes and released his kid brother's wrist, allowing the three year old to bounce playfully around the room.  He spotted Leda and made a beeline for her, crawling up into her lap and planting a wet kiss on her cheek. 

"Hi Leda!"

"Hey Kakarott, you going to help me play cards?"  She ruffled the boy's unruly mop of spikes, and he grinned.  His elder brother sat down at the table with a groan and drank half his _graf_ at a gulp. 

"Yeah!"

The foursome plus one enthusiastic helper began to play cards, Leda doing her best to teach the boy the different hands, even if it meant she lost most of them because everyone else knew what she had.  After a while, the bottles of _graf_ began to pile up on the table, and Kakarott got bored with cards.  Vegeta gave him a sheet of paper and a pencil, and he immediately lay down on the ground and began to draw.  Nappa smirked at him.

"Don't know why you think he's so annoying, Raditz.  He's a cute kid."  

The long-maned warrior snorted and upended his drink. 

"You try living with him."

As if to prove his point, during the next hand, Kakarott got off the floor and came over to his brother, giving his long hair a mighty yank to get his attention. 

"Rats, Rats, lookit!"  Leda giggled at the way Kakarott slaughtered Raditz's name, and he scowled at her while trying to disentangle the kid's chubby fingers from his hair. 

"Yow!  Good god, are you trying to make me bald like Nappa, brat?"

Kakarott giggled at the insinuation, and the put-out look on the bald warrior's face.  Then he shoved the slightly wrinkled paper under Raditz's nose again, determined to make his big brother look.  Finally giving in, Raditz sighed, glanced down at the paper and began to laugh.  Soon he was holding his sides, howling in mirth.  Vegeta snatched the picture from his hand and stared at it, then began to laugh as well.  Leda, unwilling (or maybe unable) to be left out of anything, snatched the paper out of the prince's hand and held it so that both she and Nappa could see. 

The sibling's jaws dropped at the same time, and Leda joined in the other two laughing, making Nappa scowl and Kakarott grin, very pleased with himself.  The picture turned out to be a cartoon-y rendering of Nappa, unconscious on the ground with little X's for eyes.  Leda stood over him, one foot planted on his back, grinning proudly. 

Nappa play-growled menacingly at the brat, his tail snapping through the air behind him.  He drained the rest of his _graf_ and made a face. 

"This shit is weak, Vegeta.  I don't suppose you've got anything better?"

Wordlessly, Vegeta smirked and went over to a small cabinet, pulling out four large bottles of an amber liquid.  He set them on the table, and the other three gaped.  It was whiskey, expensive stuff too, by the look.  Kakarott tugged on Vegeta's pant leg. 

"I have some, 'Geta?"

"No, brat.  I don't think your parents would be too happy with us if you wound up drunk.  Want some water instead?"

"Yeah!"  As always, he was enthusiastic about it, even if it wasn't his first choice.  Vegeta got him a drink, and some more paper, then sat back down in his place and picked up one bottle.  Raditz grinned and grabbed one as well.  With a look and a shrug, Nappa and Leda each took one of the remaining bottles. 

"Since you seem to be holding your liquor so well, Nappa, what do you say to a little contest?"  The prince unscrewed the cap of his bottle and smirked wickedly, showing off sharpened canines.  "Whoever passes out first loses."

The bald warrior grinned and uncapped his bottle as well.  "It's a deal."

"Hey, count me in."  Raditz winked across the table at Leda, with whom he had a healthy rivalry. 

"Me too."  She scowled fiercely and slammed the cap of her bottle down on the table. 

They began to drink; taking long pulls every few minutes, talking while they weren't drinking.  When their bottles hit the halfway mark, a high flush had risen in both Raditz's and Nappa's cheeks, Leda was giggling at everything, and Vegeta sat stoically, even though he was swaying slightly on the chair.  Kakarott continued to draw happily, oblivious to everything else. 

More time passed, and Nappa drained the rest of his whiskey, grinning stupidly.  Vegeta got up, a little unsteadily, to get him another, but before he could get to the cabinet, Nappa had pitched out of his chair and landed with a thud on the floor.  He was snoring softly, the bottle still clutched in one big hand. 

Leda snickered some more, and finished her bottle as well.  She waved off Vegeta's offer of another. 

"No thanks, I think I'll withdraw.  I drink much more, and I'm gonna yak.  Besides, someone needs to stay lucid enough to watch Kakarott."

So she perched on her chair and watched as Vegeta and Raditz drained two more of the whiskey bottles each, before even starting to slow.  Now a flush was appearing on Vegeta's high cheekbones as well, and she thought to herself how cute they both looked.  She shook herself and smirked.  She really had to be plastered, if she'd just thought of her sovereign and her best friend as 'cute', an odd thing to call any Saiyan male. 

They continued to match each other, shot for shot, alternately glaring and grinning at each other.  It was an intimidation tactic, but it wasn't working very well, as neither could keep a straight face for more than a few seconds. 

"Y' ready t' give up yet, Princy?"  Raditz slurred, making Vegeta cackle wildly. 

"Not on…not on your life, you ignorant hic third class." 

A few seconds later, they were both facedown on the table, out cold.  Leda snickered and pulled them both to the floor, shoving a pillow under Raditz's head and tossing a blanket over Vegeta.  She tossed a blanket over her brother as well, and gathered up Kakarott from where he was yawning next to the big fireplace.  After pulling off the child's torso armor and her own, she hopped up onto Vegeta's big bed, smiling at her own boldness.  Kakarott snuggled close, and soon they were both asleep to the sound of the three big males' snores. 

The next morning, Kakarott woke Raditz by dive-bombing him off the bed.  The boy landed on his elder brother's stomach, making Raditz sit straight up, his eyes flying open.  A strangled sound came from his throat, and he began to cough. 

Vegeta sat up as well, one hand to his forehead.  His head ached so bad he felt like it would split in two and spill his brains into his lap.  

"Why does my mouth taste like a noghri took a shit in there?"

"That's what a hangover generally does to you, Vegeta."  A smiling voice came from above, and he looked around to find Leda just sitting up in his bed, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes and yawning. 

"I know that.  Why the hell are you in my bed?"

"You weren't using it."

Vegeta snorted and got to his feet, giving Nappa a kick in the ribs on his way to take a shower.  Raditz got up with a groan and slung Kakarott over his shoulder, heading back to his rooms to shower as well.  Nappa was still sleeping by the time Vegeta got out, and he helped Leda get him into sludgy semi-consciousness.  She saw him to the door and down the hall, waiting for Raditz to come back so that she could go to her room and change.  She saw him sooner than expected, although not _as_ she expected. 

She saw Kakarott speed by first, armor and clothes heaped in his arms, stubby little legs pumping as fast as they could carry him…which, it turned out, was pretty damn fast.  Raditz was close on his tail, however, very angry and very naked.  Whistles and catcalls rebounded in the halls, following the pair.  Leda added hers to the mix as Raditz raced by the door, long mane of hair streaming backwards, tail lashing angrily. 

"Give me back my clothes, you little shit!"

"Gotta catch me first, 'Ditsu!"

Vegeta came to the door just in time to see the spectacle and groan loudly.  Putting a hand to his head, he shut his eyes and muttered:

"Never again.  I am never letting any of you three near alcohol again."

Leda only snorted and produced a few caplets of aspirin from god-knows-where, handing them to the prince, who dry-swallowed them with a grimace.  

"Bullshit, Vegeta.  Next time we get bored, I bet you break out the good stuff again."

Vegeta didn't respond, only groaned again when Kakarott zipped by going the other direction, carrying even more clothes than before. It appeared he had evaded his older brother long enough to steal Nappa's clothes as well, because now they were both chasing him, still naked and madder than ever.

Notes:  

Graf- Drink with about the same alcoholic content as beer, brewed from plants native to Vegetasai.

Noghri- Pack animal native to Vegetasai, about the size of a rhino, only looks like a cross between a wolf and a komodo dragon. 


End file.
